Acclaimed queer author Kristen Arnett recently reflected on her wedding day, when she was surrounded by chosen family after spending a decade estranged from her biological relatives who rejected her for being gay. In an essay excerpt published in Oprah Daily, Arnett opened up about growing up Southern Baptist and evangelical, and how that faith shaped her family's response to her coming out.

Finding Family in Community

Arnett did not invite her biological family to the wedding, even though they live in Florida. Instead, she celebrated with a chosen family of friends who flew in from across the country and even abroad. She described her wedding as a queer event in a red state, a public declaration that gay people not only live in Florida but make it a better place. "If I live and love here, how can it not be?" she wrote.

The author emphasized that her chosen family provides all the emotional support she once expected from parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. "My chosen family is a group of individuals who continually give," she wrote. "They see who I am and celebrate me for exactly that reason." She reflected on how these friends showed up during Florida's brutal hurricane season, sharing resources and caring for one another when storms devastated the community.

Accepting What Is, and What May Never Be

Arnett acknowledged that reconciliation with her biological family may never happen. She described receiving occasional texts from relatives, but noted that they are reaching out to a version of her that no longer exists, trying to connect with "a memory of a child who wasn't gay." The woman they knew before she came out, she explained, was someone who kept quiet about her beliefs and her identity.

Yet she has found peace in accepting this reality. What matters most to her now is the community of people who accept her fully. "They see the promise inside of me. They trust and believe I can do more, be more," she wrote. Arnett uses the metaphor of weather and survival to describe her journey: growing up in Florida taught her "what kind of weather I could withstand," but she has learned that life is not purely about survival. "Storms push through, smash things, destroy lives, and then miraculously depart. You're left with the aftermath, but there's also the sun."

Source: LGBTQ Nation

Cover photo: Larry D. Moore, CC BY 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

chosen family

Queer Author Kristen Arnett Celebrates Chosen Family at Florida Wedding