David Lauterstein has a blunt message for older gay men navigating desire and dating: stop shrinking. The co-founder of Nasty Pig, the subversive fashion brand that has defined queer self-expression for three decades, recently spoke on the Dads and Daddies podcast about ageism in gay spaces-and why maturity is an underrated asset in the bedroom and beyond.

A Fashion Brand Built on Reclamation

Nasty Pig didn't arrive by accident. When Lauterstein and co-founder Frederick Kearney launched the brand in 1994, the gay community was still reeling from the devastation of AIDS. Sexual expression felt dangerous, even shameful. "Sexual positivity wasn't a thing then because sex was terrifying, especially for gay men and queer people," Lauterstein told the New York Times. "Nasty Pig opened to reclaim that identity and fight for it."

What began as a Chelsea storefront-rare among mainstream brands willing to market directly to gay men at that moment-has evolved into a global symbol. The signature items are impossible to ignore: loud tank tops, leather harnesses, padlock necklaces, tight shorts designed to turn heads. Madonna and Frank Ocean have worn the brand. And crucially, Lauterstein and Kearney built it without diluting their vision or apologizing for what they made.

Over three decades, Lauterstein has developed a keen instinct for reading the cultural moment. Earlier this year, when a viral debate erupted over whether Nasty Pig was "restaurant appropriate," he responded with wit rather than defensiveness: "I will leave the decision about what is and isn't chic to Miranda Priestley. Nasty Pig is about feeling sexy and empowered after all, so it's time for me to get back to work doing just that for you."

The Confidence Factor

Now in his mid-50s, Lauterstein speaks from lived experience about the specific challenges older gay men face. He acknowledged that the scene can be harder to navigate as you age, but his answer is direct: confidence matters more than most men realize. "Get out there and feel confident in yourself," he said on the podcast. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

Stand in who you are. Stand in where you come from. Everybody is out there feeling nervous about who they are. Lean into your age and lean into your experience.
David Lauterstein

Lauterstein has walked this walk himself. He recounted being hesitant to go out after undergoing surgery, wallowing at home until his company's COO effectively told him to snap out of it. That push-and his own realization that confidence itself is attractive-shifted his perspective. Many men inadvertently make themselves seem unapproachable by projecting their own insecurity, he noted. The antidote is to inhabit who you actually are.

The Overlooked Power of Experience

Perhaps the most provocative part of Lauterstein's message concerns sex itself. He argues that maturity and sexual skill are real, bankable assets-particularly for men who bottom. There is a persistent myth in gay culture that older men should top, and that bottoming is somehow the province of youth. Lauterstein rejects that entirely.

There is a market for us. Let me tell you.
David Lauterstein

He's right. Skill in the bedroom doesn't materialize by magic; it's learned over time through practice and communication. A seasoned bottom knows how to relax, how to move, how to ask for what he wants. These aren't small things. In a culture that often conflates value with youth and fitness, Lauterstein is asserting something radical: that the perspective, self-knowledge, and technique that come with age are genuinely desirable.

Why It Matters

Ageism in gay spaces is real and pernicious. Studies consistently show that LGBTQ+ men over 50 report higher rates of loneliness, social isolation, and depression partly because they've internalized the message that they're no longer wanted. Dating apps amplify this by making attractiveness a quantifiable metric, and the algorithm often favors youth.

What Lauterstein is doing-using his platform and his own example to say "you still belong here, and you have something real to offer"-is small but significant. It's not a magic solution to structural ageism. But it's a counternarrative in a community that desperately needs more of them. And it comes from someone whose entire career has been about refusing to apologize for sex, desire, and queer self-expression.

Source: Queerty

Cover photo: Peoplelikeyoulikeme, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

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